Edward Baskett

I Call Him Christopher

My Letters to “Chris” Matthews
of HARDBALL

A Little Book of Biblical Proportions by

© 2005

Foreword

Christopher "Chris" Matthews is the young man who hosts HARDBALL on MSNBC Monday through Friday at 2 and 4 PM, California time. He can also be seen at other times, as management deems appropriate. His is a program for thinking people, and I urge you to watch him.

I am not one to become a fan of the famous. I have only written letters to two other famous people in my entire life. One was to Arlene Francis, radio and television star, and two were to Kathryn Kuhlman, the colorful evangelist who passed away in 1976. Both of these lovely women responded in the most gracious ways. Miss Francis wrote to me on a beautiful card which I still have framed in silver. Miss Kuhlman dictated her communications which were typed on her Kathryn Kuhlman Foundation letterhead and signed by her.

So, no, I do not become obsessed with the famous. For one thing, I am far too involved in promoting my own agenda (www.edwardbaskett.com) to be bothered with such activity. Most would consider it to be a waste of time.

However, Christopher is a different story. I am very much like my mother was in that I am a "news junky.” I want to know what is going on in the world around me on a daily basis, and Christopher provides that news in a scintillating manner. I also love to tease people I like a lot.

With his shock of baby-blond hair, his clean-cut good looks, his brilliant mind, and his dignified and refined personality, he made the perfect target for a little good-natured chucking under the chin.

What you are about to read are the letters I have written to him over several years. Some are downright silly, some are blistering and outrageous, while others contain my thoughts on life and the experiences that go with it. All were written with the hope of making him laugh, and to encourage him not to take himself too seriously.

There is no profanity or dirty words to be found in this little book. However, there is a good bit of innuendo. Of course, it is my earnest hope that you, the reader, will not be offended. In the beginning, I would sign my full name, but as I felt more comfortable writing to him, I switched to my nickname, "Tink.” The letters are not shown in chronological order.

Nearly all the letters were written directly to Christopher; however, some were written to members of his staff, or to others with whom I had communicated about him.

There are no two ways about it: Christopher is special, and I can say with certainty there is not a father or mother alive who would not want him as his or her son.

Again, not unlike my mother, I love the name Christopher. It contains the name of Christ, you know.

Edward Eugene Baskett - Author

We also invite you to read the first three chapters of Edward Eugene Baskett's
e-book, "ENTRAPPED"

and also, read ... I Leap Over Their Heads

Would you like more information? Click here to e-mail Edward E. Baskett

YOU HAVE BEEN CLONED!

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

You are not going to believe this, but the other day, it was raining cats and dogs here in Crestline, CA. I had to go to the post office to get my mail. Suddenly, your clone appeared before me. I thought it was an apparition.

The guy was your height and weight with blond hair. He was wearing a black trench coat that must have weighed at least 25 pounds, came to his ankles. Now, I have seen some trench coats in my day, but never anything like this one! As I stood next to this enormous man, I felt like a little weasel. I touched the coat, asking about the material from which it was made. He explained that it was some sort of fabric that had been impregnated with oil. He told me that it is the coat whalers use in the Antarctic. For all the world, he looked like Darth Vader. As we chatted, he kept fiddling with the metal hooks, trying to get them to connect.

I told him that, like you, he looked very menacing. He denied the charge.

Christopher, I think it is just wonderful to have one of "our golden boy" up here in the mountains of Southern California, but "don't spread yourself too thin."

CLONING!! What hath man wrought?

Tink

LETTER TO ANDREW LACK OF NBC REGARDING CHRISTOPHER MATTHEWS

DEAR MR. LACK -

Last week, Christopher appeared on HARDBALL with the collar of his shirt standing away from the shirt, itself. This happened two nights in a row. Of course, the viewing audience was simply aghast.

Quite frankly, I am amazed that Mrs. Matthews would allow "our golden boy" to leave the house "looking like that."

It is now abundantly clear to me: Christopher needs a P. A. (personal assistant) to take care of "the little things," thereby freeing him up to handle world affairs. It is even more clear that Mrs. Matthews has neither the time nor inclination to deal with such matters because of her own career in broadcasting.

I would like to apply for the job. For a measly $300,000.00 a year (which is what I was making before GE "screwed" the hell out of me), I am willing to "come back there" and take on the responsibility. Why, under my tutelage, Christopher will have "the chicks and babes" (to use his terms) swooning all over him. My references and credentials are impeccable. You may view my resume, in part, by going to www.edwardbaskett.com.

Why don't we "give it a whirl?" You can't tell what 6 months might do.

With kindest regards,

Edward Eugene Baskett
"I take BIG, and I spend BIG!"
Aimee Semple McPherson

I AM SO HAPPY!!

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

I am so happy that you are back safely from your trip to South Africa. I am sure your many viewers missed you, as I did.

I hasten to point out, I was on the verge of contacting Andrew Lack over at NBC and telling him to "fill your shoes" with James Cramer of "America Now.” He, like you, looks like a big, healthy baby with beady little eyes. Too cute!!

While not as dignified and refined as you, James is colorful and fiery in his own right. The nice thing about James is, he doesn't have hair for me to "worry myself to death about."

Anyway, you are back, and your job is secure. Remember me to Andrew the next time you see him. Give him my kindest regards.

Cordially,

EDWARD EUGENE BASKETT

AXIS OF EVIL

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

EVIL!!
EVIL-DOERS!!
AXIS OF EVIL!!

Bless God!! Sounds like the White House is turnin' into an ol'-time Pentecostal camp meetin'! That or a witch’s coven.

TINK

NOTE: This one was prompted by President Bush’s now infamous Axis of Evil speech.

AXIS OF EVIL PT. II

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

Just watched your wonderful program. The thing that caught my eye was the discussion about "The Axis of Evil.” Your guests were excellent.

The next time President Bush has you over for cocktails, you might casually point out the following two scriptures to him. I am sure that as a Bible-belt theologian, he will be grateful to you.

"A soft answer turneth away wrath, but grievous words stir up anger."

“ A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver."

These words sound so much better than "Axis of Evil.” I am certain that you and Andrew Lack agree with me.

Cordially,
Edward Eugene Baskett

THE OIL CRISIS

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

Poor, foolish humanity: Thank God, I'm here.

There is a great hue and cry for "mo' oil.” I humbly submit I think I have the answer to part of the problem.

The Government should require that all cars made in, or coming into, this country have manual transmissions in one-half of them. It is a well-known fact that manual transmissions get at least 3 to 4 more miles to the gallon of gas over automatics. Multiplying this by the millions of cars sold in this gluttonous country each year, it is easy to calculate the savings.

There are enough butch men in this country who need to "butch it up" by doing a little shifting. It will do them a world of good. Save the automatics for the little old ladies from Pasadena.

Now, see? Wasn't that easy? Millions of gallons of gas saved by an organizational wizard born on a chicken farm in Clarita, Oklahoma.

Cordially,
Edward Eugene Baskett

Would you like more information about this project? Click here to e-mail Edward E. Baskett
... or visit him online at: www.EdwardBaskett.com

We also invite you to read the first three chapters of Edward Eugene Baskett's
e-book, "ENTRAPPED"